In The Slowest Quickness

Posted: March 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

My brain has been absolutely flooded with ideas and inspiration today, and with that, as usual comes a sort of heaviness of being. Not a depression, more of a funk. I feel introverted yet isolated, I want to be left alone but I want to run into the streets with song roaring from my throat and party in my essence and blood. There’s a dull headache, and I’m listening to exclusively sad music by choice, and the day is almost gone and dear god where has it gone.

It’s not manic, because I’m not feeling the urges or the restlessness, it benefits me entirely, just is difficult to manage. And it’s for this reason, I don’t mind telling you, that I fear drugs. Antipsychotics, antidepressants, narcotics, for myself, for others. I have found a utility in most of my less functional moods, and most of them tend to be creatively charged. They each bring me something that I can use later, and I’m terrified of losing any part of that.

I know lots of people just plain can’t function sometimes. I’m not trying to say I’m above medicinal help. What I am trying to say is that I have terrible nerves about the idea that I might lose some part of me in the process, even the bad ones.

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