Mistaken for Furniture

Posted: September 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

The writing is on the wall. That gets thrown a lot as an idiom but in this case it’s entirely true. In blue paint, I have used my fingertips to smear across the bumpy texture the words “You are not good enough.” On the wall a 90 degree clockwise turn from there it reads “You can be a better person.” Another quarter-turn, “The only obstacle is yourself.” And finally, “The only satisfaction is a job well done.”

Now I stand in the middle of these mantras, blue hands and all, and spin in circles, reciting the poetry, brainwashing myself, until the only thing left inside of me is the drive to succeed and a sense of guilt for any behavior that does not move me towards this ultimate goal. There is no more time for frivolous youth, no more room for childish excuses. There are merely 4 walls, some words, some tools, and a bed for the inevitable collapse. This is my prison cell now, not my home, and I am staying here seeking asylum from the things that have haunted me for years. In here I will stay until I am confident and able to face the world straight.

  1. Jen says:

    “We live in prisons of our own making.”

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