Transference

Posted: April 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

On one tab, selling beer instead of whiskey. On another tab, leaking out the creative charm, trying very hard to be myself (the best version) in order to take a crucial step forward. On a hundred other tabs, the motions, trying in varying degrees. A form letter. An admission of a need for learning. An overly enthusiastic sales pitch about bean bags and the people who make them.

The whiskey unsold sits in a glass in front of me. I drink it quickly, not wanting to taste it but just feel it. And then I will go to bed, hoping to have done enough to keep nightmares of today’s anxiety out of tomorrow’s exposition. The pile of unread books and read emails tell the other tale, but with enough effort and a little whiskey, you can make the numbers a little blurrier, harder to read and easier to swallow. And then tomorrow. Tomorrow you harvest the seeds you planted today, and you pat yourself on the back for a two drink maximum, and you move right back into your chair and resume the hat rack rat race, a ventriloquist through whom anyone can say what they think they really want to. And then they smile when it sounds better coming out of their lips than it did inside their own head.

But for yourself, don’t rest on the simple stage act. Challenge yourself with jazz and whiskey and translating thoughts too large to wrangle into a different language, musical like Italian or French, musical like Thai though you haven’t heard enough of it to confirm or deny the reports, trade the cigarette pack for the stack of blueberry pancakes and the three-day stubble and get excited over small ideas that take large amounts of planning and effort. And work that challenge into every mundane task until your life becomes so unbearably interesting that you can’t help but enjoy it. Then put the whiskey away until whenever a toast is raised.

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Comments
  1. carl says:

    All right…so when are you going to publish something so the rest of the world can enjoy?

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