I Did It For The Following Reasons

Posted: August 13, 2016 in Uncategorized

There is this part of me that can not, absolutely will not let go of shame. Now, I’m fortunate, because as far as most aspects of life go, I’m pretty shameless. I’m okay being silly and weird and sharing a look at that side of me to friends and strangers. Not family as much. That’s a whole other basket of balls. But when I do something or say something that I regret, the shame follows me. It haunts me. I carry it with me all the time in my head and most of the time I don’t notice it, like a spider on the ceiling, or a mosquito in the room. But when it does buzz in my ear it sharply wakes me up in much the same fashion, keeps me up, makes my heart race until I can figure out a way to end it (this doesn’t happen) or distract myself into thinking about something else.

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