Lost Day

Posted: May 31, 2018 in Uncategorized

I had plans for yesterday but kind of dragged my feet on them. I’d done what I wanted to do in terms of being productive, largely. Checked off all the boxes and was ready to continue activity but do so in a manner that was a little more relaxing. And then I just sort of…didn’t. I procrastinated for 30 minutes. Then I wanted to eat something. And then I got pulled into essentially taking the day off. And I kind of feel bad about it? But also, I know that I need days like those sometimes, and if I’d done the big important stuff (mostly) then it would probably make me more productive to give my brain and body a rest. Well, it certainly made me sleep like a baby. I woke up groggy, brain all out of sorts, but I’m ready to proceed. And so I guess I might think of missed opportunities now, but I made a day a little more memorable than just one that involved going through the motions.



Posted: May 30, 2018 in Uncategorized

Approaching temporal normalcy once more. Stayed up 2 hours later than the day before, woke up 1 hour later. Still not exactly banker’s hours, and I did have to cancel a social arrangement for today, but still progressing toward the normal side of things. That being said, I do need to slam the brakes on that creep pretty soon so I don’t end up sliding past it on my upcoming trip. I’ve got time zones to contend with and I don’t want to be sluggish or miss out on plans while there, so I need to start worrying less about normal hours and more about being in the right place sleep-wise when I travel. Of course, now that I think about it, I probably shouldn’t worry about it. I can almost never sleep the night before a trip and it usually ends up messing with my schedule. So there, a positive thing to come out of blogging: a train of thought written out that made me realize I’m better off just letting things happen if they want to happen.

Thirty-Two Dollars

Posted: May 29, 2018 in Uncategorized

Slept a lot today. Went to bed earlier than planned, woke up later than planned. Basically a 10 hour sleep. I knew it was coming eventually, it always does in this mode where I’m coming off of a couple all-nighters. Yesterday I worked for 11 hours, and at Erin’s insistence, took a couple of hours to relax to end my day. I did so, and she was right. I felt pretty good, climbed into bed for a few minutes, and then that was it. Lights out. Now I’m up in the middle of the night (as it should be) and tackling my work for the day. Had a small breakfast snack and I’ll eat more later. For now, it’s a normal day that I can enjoy entirely on my terms. And maybe by the end of today I’ll be in a really good spot with deadlines (it looks like that will happen.)


Posted: May 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

There’s this disconnect that I struggle with. And it stems basically from two sides of the same coin. On the inverse side, I don’t like to deal with people who trade in negativity. If I’m being totally honest, this is one of the things that keeps me in this part of the country. Not necessarily as a rule, but it seems like most people I know since my move tend to be able to see the brighter side of things or at least not dwell so much on the negative. As someone who has dealt with depression and getting lost inside my own head, it’s important for me to be surrounded with people who don’t inspire me to revisit that headspace. The other side of this coin is getting perspectives of other people and being a non-combative member of a community. This causes me more social stress than probably any other thing. And the only compromise I’ve been able to strike between these two is to let people have their say in 99% of spaces, but in my dojo, there is no whining about petty shit.


Posted: May 27, 2018 in Uncategorized

Stayed up way too late yesterday, but I had work to do. Still left a lot of it unfinished and on the table, but at least progress was made. I’ve got a pile sitting in front of me too: books to read, rooms to clean, articles to write. And then at some point relatively soon, do a stream as well. And when I’m working on one project I’ve got my mind off on another one, something long-term in the future. I want eagerly to go ahead and get started on it, but now’s not the time. I need to finish all the tasks that I gave myself in the first place. Gotta get on top of enough things that I have free time and then I can do what I want with that. It’s starting to get to that point, to where maybe I feel alright about taking a half-hour a day just for myself. Not worrying about what needs to be done and when and how to do it. I’m getting there. But until then, focus.


Posted: May 26, 2018 in Uncategorized

I read something once in the kind of book I never intended to read. But a friend insisted, and I never finished it. I loaned it out to someone a little while ago. Can’t remember who. Wasn’t even my book to begin with. Point is, you never know what’s really going to make an impression on you, and life advice comes in the places you never expect it to. So in this book that I would never have picked up on my own was a little piece of advice about not taking things personally. When you hear that phrase, it immediately makes an impression on you, but in this book, the stakes were raised. Don’t take things personally. Not bad things. Not good things. Reality is only for you to determine as it relates to yourself. I’m not a master at that. I’m far from it in fact. But I’ve also never forgotten it.


Posted: May 25, 2018 in Uncategorized

Crispy, toasted sandwiches. Bowl of cereal, dry. Thought about an omelette, but there are too many dirty dishes. Thought about doing the dishes. Normally I can’t, the kitchen is next to the roommate’s bedroom, and the sound travels into his room and echoes. But he’s not home tonight. Left the front door unlocked, left the living room light on, he’s gone. So I could have done a load of dishes and then prepped a big hearty omelette lunch. But I didn’t. Took too much effort. Might get to the dishes shortly, since I have the freedom to do that, but I have other plans first. Gotta get some work done, do some reading. Watch a little sports recap, get caught up on what I missed. Then eventually, doing the dishes will make sense. It doesn’t right now. That’s okay. They’ll probably still be there when I feel more like getting them done.